One of My Biggest Fears

I have always had an overactive mind, one that caused my parents to think that I should become an author. As time has elapsed and I pretend to be a grown up, my mind now just freaks me out.

So here is my current moment (and by current, I mean something that has bothered me for years, like five to eight years). When I became closed off and masochistic it was a response to not wanting to be bothered by people’s opinions. Now it’s for that same reason times about a hundred. And with that, my insane imagination keeps my actions at bay.

I have this insane, and yes very misplaced, idea that life isn’t supposed to be a bowl of cherries no matter what Mary Engelbreit says. Where it becomes a misplaced idea, is that I can imagine the worst scenario for just about anything, and while this is a great RA skill in college when there are unruly residents, it is in fact not the most ideal thing when you are trying to focus a happy life. Needless to say, when the imagination runs wild it’s things like: getting fired (which my be more dream like now), being forced to move home, and my personal favorite are the life and death moments. Maybe I’m just soft and cry at everything from sad songs, to books, to movies and Extreme Home Makeover (you may not have a heart if that later one doesn’t choke you up too), but it’s always when people hit the high point that things go poorly in life.

And so, on this last day of November instead of fully writing about how I made it through thirty straight days of blogging and saying that is was possibly the most insane thing ever, I’m going with the idea that I’ve realized more of myself then I thought this could actually do. Around day ten or fifteen, someone asked me how it was going and my response was “I live a pretty boring life and I so don’t do enough to blog everyday for a month,” and while that still may be true I think it has led to a great beginning for December.

I think I have blogged every possible feeling and emotion, and so the new plan is to ignore, suppress, or runaway (that last one was for you, Kipper).  We’re going to see if anything comes of this, but if nothing else…maybe I’ll go to the gym more, or maybe I’ll just runaway to somewhere warm with the Life Partner :)

One thought on “One of My Biggest Fears”

  1. RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! I mean…oh good…getting in touch with your inner self…that’s way better than being on a beach somewhere…far away from our problems…

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