Some days I wonder if I’m playing the life version of “playing house.”
If you are in the western world, you know what I mean by that. The age old game played by children everywhere. You have a house. You’re the mommy (sometimes you were forced to be the dad), there are children, you pretend feed them, you take them to school, and on and on it goes.
I feel like I’m playing life.
I wake up in the morning. I go to work. I come home. I edit photos. I blog a little. I enjoy the wonders of the DVR. I go to sleep. And then I do it all again.
And lately I wonder, what part of it is real and what part is make-believe. Mostly it goes something like this, I make a great pretend creative. I can take decent photos and I have consistent editing skills. Creating pretty inspiration boards on pinterest is like an art. I love planning and creating parties in my mind. But what if it’s all for nothing. There are amazingly creative people out there in the world, amazingly creative people who will always leave me in awe of their work. There are entrepreneurs who can dream up an idea and make it a reality. They are gifted and wonderful and a joy to watch.
But then there is the other half of me. That’s the tired half. This is the half that looks at job descriptions and wonders how I could even accomplish everything they ask. I glance at the idea of a relationship and instantly put it aside, because why start something that you are going to fail at. Mostly I sit here and wait for an answer. I have throw a giant what and why out to the heavens, and I sit waiting. hoping. praying. yearning. wanting. But more often than not, I sit doubting.
Lord, help my unbelief.