thinking about thinx

Because…periods. I don’t even think there is anything else to say.

But since someone will be like, “what is going on here…,” I’ve included the video below and there are many, many, many, many articles that you can read about the on-going saga. But pretty much the short version: period is a bad word, men are offended, children are scarred from seeing a grapefruit, and Georgia O’Keefe is no longer on display in any museum or gift shop anywhere forever (I may have made up that last bit).

#grapefruitsandeggs
#thankavaginaforbirth
#beingborn

the day after.

Ever wonder what it’s like attending the memorial service of one of your best friends…it’s the worst feeling ever.  That is really all that can be said about it.

You love, you lose. You trust, you are failed. You cry, you cry some more.

And then, there is a glimmer.

In the strangest of places.

Today I watched a little Glee which brought on a little smile and a giggle of delight. And then it brought my favorite this ever…Somewhere Over the Rainbow, with it came a happy little note of:

Oh… Someday I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind… me…
Where troubles melt, like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops
That’s where, you’ll find… me

And so, if I can wish upon a star and to reference pop music, I can pretend that airplanes are shooting stars, well then…things will get better.

when all seems lost.

This week can be summarized by the following things:

Tears. Lots of Tears.
Memories.
Loss.
Disappointment at choices made.
Sadness.
Hurt.
Rejection.
Abandonment.
Frustration.
Confusion.

The weekend can be summarized by something that is full of understanding:

Life is full of light and shadow
O the joy and O the sorrow

O the sorrow

And yet will He bring
Dark to light
And yet will He bring
Day from night

When shadows fall on us
We will not fear
We will remember

When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember

When all seems lost
When we’re thrown and we’re tossed
We remember the cost
We rest in Him
Shadow of the cross

— “Shadows,” David Crowder Band

This week’s mantra: “When shadows fall on us, we will not fear, we will remember.”

a piece of my heart.

Kathleen.

We got to know each other because a lot of things: our shared connection to undergrad, mutual friends, the love of certain restaurants, etc. She was the person who would sit in line with me for hours, just waiting with me, so that I could meet the Pioneer Women. She was the person, that when I needed to drive home (2 hours each way) to vote, came along as long as lunch was involved. She was the person that I could call on whim to go on a random drive, meet at the farmers market, eat an unplanned meal, or get coffee with me after physical therapy. All in all, she was, and will always remain, an amazing friend.

What kept us together however, especially most recently, was a bit of a different bond. Both of us bonded over caring about boys that we, in fact, aren’t dating and the neverending prodding of people with the question “so why aren’t you dating?” In the beginning, we would laugh over how much people tried to get involved with something that clearly wasn’t their business. By the end, our long talks were about everything under the sun, but a reoccuring one was if it was okay for her to love someone, who well, probably didn’t care in the same way. But in what some people would deem the ubber serious, we found laughter because, well, that is who she was. We laughed over our own absurdities, poked fun at ourselves. We were always there to provide a listening ear and a bit of encouragement and to point-blank tell each other when they had crossed into a crazy line of thought. I will never forget those moments. The constant support. The unceasing laughter. That joy.

I love you and miss you my dear, dear friend. You take with you a piece of my heart.

Kathleen Benz
aka the British Friend
September 22, 1984 – May 29, 2010

finally.

Since the start of the new year, and the over 2 weeks since my last post, I have been thinking and contemplating that overly deep resolutions post. And every time there was a crazy moment to write about, something else would top it…and soon my brain was full and my ability to write was fading. So to jump start my mind and my thoughts, the current thoughts of my life in random order.

Graduate School: This has been the world’s largest struggle for me. Everyone else seems to know what they want with their big dreams and large plans of life. And every time I thought I had it figured out, something would come along and I’d realize how wrong I was, it became a problem. But then I was talking to the HD one day, who has always been an awesome educational compass for me, and in a moment of full honesty said that finding a job after grad school was going to be tough no matter what but wouldn’t it be so much better to work hard for something I loved. He, of course, was right.  So I mentally went back to my loves of history, government, and food to think through what I could do, and presented to me was the Master’s in Food Studies at NYU. If a love affair can be had with a graduate program from afar, this was that moment and despite my desire to not move, I began to realize I would do anything for this opportunity. So the cogs have been turning, timelines are being laid within my mind, and the processing of through all of the post-degree options make me fantastically giddy. To study food through the lens of history, sociology, anthropology, hands on cooking, business, trade, and environmental policies is pretty much a dream at the moment. And it’s something that I’m both hopeful for and excited to attempt to reach.

Life: In a moment to shock everyone who knows my hated of doctors, I have been forced into weekly contact with the medical profession. About a month ago I ran after my bus, injured my foot/leg, went to the doctor, hated the doctor, ignored the doctor and then went on vacation. It was awesome. But then I came back from LA and it still hurt. So piggybacking off an appointment I already had, I asked my orthopedic to check it out (for anyone in the D.C. area, I can refer you to a sports medicine focused doctor with a hot resident). ‘Lo and behold, my years of clutziness have come back to haunt me and a leg injury that should require a boot is in fact not getting a boot because years of knee damage won’t allow it. And thus I am now in physical therapy twice a week, contemplating why I’m allowing individuals to dig their fingers into my joint, tendons and muscles to get a reaction. Pretty much summed up, I whimpered…during PT…it was almost the most pathetic moment of my year thus far.

All in all…life is hysterical, it’s full of ups and downs, and I’m really never sure what is going on around me or what I’m really doing. But the start of the year has brought some easy decisions, some hard decisions, things I want desperately and things that I miss more then I ever knew I would, and well, it also has included just some fantastic comical moments.

Happy 2010!